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"Next"Part2 Stay out of bed

"Next"Part2 Stay out of bed

Sex has become a “required” element on our “dating resumes”. We have diminished it’s value.  And, maybe you've dismissed someone lovely in our life simply because they didn’t meet your sexual desires.

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The “old school” practice of waiting for sex until marriage has value and I’m going to attempt to sell you on this idea. Take comfort in knowing I ignored these truths for years and waltzed around subconsciously sabotaging myself. I’ve been there, done that, and still to this day reap the consequences of choices I made. I made a mistake, but you don’t have to. 

Sex was not created for your solitary pleasure. It was created for the mutual pleasure of two people in love,  for the creation of children, and for God’s glory. Imagine a partner so committed to your pleasure that he puts aside his wants to place yours at the forefront of his mind. Now imagine yourself with that same intention. No one loses in this situation. Everyone is tended to and cared for deeply. This divine formula will only function properly if both parties understand the selfless act of serving each other. If one person is fighting for their pleasure the other will suffer and vice versa. This takes two to tango.

*If you have already asked “but what if they don’t satisfy me”, you’re already off track. You don’t understand what I’m saying. Go back, do not pass “Go” , do not collect $200 dollars.*

“Sex was not created for your solitary pleasure, it was created for mutual pleasure.” 

An Unpopular truth you should know

“ Sexual compatibility is overrated” 

If you’re using sex to “test for compatibility”, just stop. You aren’t doing that and you know it. You’re lying and more importantly you’re working backwards. 

Envision for me an Egyptian working on the great pyramid. Instead of completing the large and time consuming foundation, he skips right on ahead to the satisfying and exciting ending piece. The tippy - top. The final piece.

By testing for “the all important sexual compatibility” you have placed the top piece of your pyramid. Could you leave the top piece alone and pour everything you have into the foundation? You’ll learn a lot about your partner in the building process. Once you construct the bottom you’ll have a better understanding of the top piece. You’ll see it for what it is, sacred. The top piece, while simple enough makes things really confusing if it’s placed out of order. If placed before the base the top piece will stunt your growth and make leaving the relationship complicated and difficult for your heart.  

Sometimes we are reluctant to build a healthy relationship and think we deserve that person’s most sacred gift. Just because you want it? I’m officially calling that out for what it is, selfish. If your concern is your self pleasure over your partner’s heart and soul, sorry, you don’t deserve them. I’m sorry if society has made you believe that in order to fall in love you need to know if you're sexually compatible. Cause it’s a load of lies.  I’m not denying sexual connection isn’t important. I’m saying that discovery was constructed to be experienced inside of marriage and if you place your top piece before you’ve even thought about marriage you're setting yourself up for a long road of either dating without ever seeing a ring or being tossed out when you don't live up to someone’s selfish desires. You don’t want either of those. 

If you’re honestly worried you wont be compatible with someone pay attention to way you feel around them. Your mind and body will react to someone you are attracted to, but that doesn’t mean you should skip ahead and get under the sheets to “just be sure”.  Take the time to date, allow time to pass. You don’t need sex, you want sex. You can fall in love with someone without sex, you’re just afraid to because you have your own personal pleasure at the forefront of your mind. Do you honestly think that if you loved someone full heartedly and married them that on the wedding night all those “emotions”  (love is not an emotion, it’s a commitment) have the ability to just *poof* away because he didn’t live up to your wildest expectation? You might have crazy anxiety that comes with a serious commitment like marriage does. *hi that was me*. But they won’t go *poof*. And humble up, Hon, chances are you may not meet his wildest expectations either. You aren’t going to be pros, you have your lifetime to practice.

I’m not telling you to get married in order to have sex. I asking you to construct your base. Get to know that person in his many moods, seasons, situations. This could mean that you will walk away and say “next”. Or, it could mean years of loving devotion.


Ladies, before you give a man your body, give him your mind, opinions, your likes and dislikes, your passions and love. Save your body for last. 

It’s all about the base,

- Vivian

"Next"Part3//Building bases

"Next"Part3//Building bases

"next"-Part1 Intentions

"next"-Part1 Intentions