"next"-Part1 Intentions

Cinderella’s stepsisters didn’t pass the slipper audition, but wow, did they try to squeeze their way in! Trying to wear the “wrong fit” will give you blisters, not bliss. We want bliss - say “next!” 

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 If you’re realizing your relationship is ending, congratulations! You are officially on your way towards personal growth and boy, am I excited for you, Darling! 

Hear me out: If you have reached this point through heartbreak I pour out my empathy and utmost understanding. If you’re still in denial that your relationship needs to end please keep reading. If your relationship is splendid (*high five*), maybe one of your friend’s needs to read this? In that case - pass it on.

Your relationship will only work if it’s the right person for you. 

I didn’t say the perfect person, I said the right person. 

I didn’t say “the one”, I said the right person. Clear?…

“The One” mentality has you living in a dream world of infatuation. It teaches you that love is an emotion and if the feelings dwindle someone needs to make adjustments towards becoming someone new. The need to change one’s partner to fit your desires has become so great that we find ourselves sticking around hoping we will eventually “fix” them. Some women have convinced themselves that they can change their men and if they put in enough time and effort the man of their dreams will emerge from the less than adequate buffoon they are currently dating. My question to you is, why are you in a relationship that isn’t working? We don’t need to get into the details and please don’t run from my question. Are you content with this person or are you waiting for him to change into something “better”? And/or are you waiting for him to commit?

If you’re involved in a relationship that lacks intentional trajectory, it’s time to say “next”.  

Intentions

What are we?”

I remember one too many relationships in my past where I experienced waves of anxiety wondering “what are we”? I realize I wasted a lot time worrying about important questions that could have been answered by simply asking. Why does it take so much courage to ask someone that? “What are we”? Good old rejection? Or, have you allowed society to pressure you into being one of those “cool girls” that just goes with the flow and doesn’t worry about commitment? If that is the case, you do you, but you don’t get to complain nine years down the road when he still hasn’t purposed and shout, “ You aren’t committed to me”!

Who says the guy has to be the only one communicating here? Wake up and take some responsibility for your heart. You need to express your intentions AND expectations.

You don’t wander into a forest without a plan or a destination in mind. Why should relationships be any different? Without a plan you’ll begin to walk in circles and slowly go mad. Trust me, I’ve done it. 

I understand the first couple dates are a vulnerable and exciting time, but get on with it. If significant time has gone by and you’re still wondering if this is an exclusive relationship, you need to communicate what you can expect going forward. If you’re worried he will reject you, buck up and get it over with or stop whining to your friends and making yourself ill with anxiety. Help yourself, Hon. Don’t shy away from healthy communication no matter how uncomfortable or how terrified you are of rejection. Being open with your expectations will prove to be helpful with this relationship and with all other relationships in your life. It will eliminate you wasting your time and allow you to build proper boundaries in your relationship. Lastly, 

If you’re in bed, get out. 

If he claims he “needs to know if he’s sexually compatible with someone before committing” , say “NEXT” loud and clear. Literally, say it to his face. I’m sick of sex being an “audition” factor. You’re beautiful, your body is exactly what it was made to be and any man that claims you didn’t win his commitment because of your sexual abilities can get lost in the woods. 

Waiting, while seeming unpopular, I would say is the coolest and grandest gift God has given you.

 Stop following trends and running your cool girl stunt.

With all of my intention,

- Vivian