The Neediness Box

People are not items. You cannot horde their love, and you certainly cannot lock them away in your neediness box. 

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Do you have you a friend that always says the right thing and knows exactly what you need to hear? Whenever crisis arises you know who to call. They become stability in a world of zero gravity. They listen to your hurts and challenges and you insist, “I don’t know what I’d do without you”. The thought of this friend moving or drifting away brings panic and you fear a time when they won’t be close. You would live. Darling, you would live - because you have to. This friend, while I’m sure lovely and helpful, is not your lifeline. Their words and company can provide comfort in times of true heartbreak, and clarity in times of confusion. But, when all the pretty words have been said and the tea pot is empty, what do you have? Yourself. You have you, and while that seems lonely at times believe me it’s enough. You’re enough. 

“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul” - Proverbs 27:9

"Refreshes" is the word you should say to yourself over and over. This friend of yours can refresh your soul, but they cannot sustain it. Think of them as a precious reset button that can gently show you back to your own path and send you away with a snack. They cannot come with you, but they can cheer you on. Most importantly, Darling, remember their absence on your journey does not reflect the abundant love they have for you. Beside, don’t you want them to continue on their own journey? Or will you horde them away and insist they join you? If this friendship is mutual I would pray you allow them the time and space to grow on their own and bless many people that cross their path. I can think of a few friends in my life whom I pray would reach and touch the lives of other people. They cannot listen to that calling if they are busy handing me tissue after tissue and telling me the same advice they have been repeating for months. You leave them feeling motivated, loved, and ready to greet your hurts head on. It’s natural to believe the cure to future challenges rest in the hands of that friend, but remember they’re just the reset button. Their words ring truths, their company is warm and their tender voice resonates with love. Sweet Friend, you too can have these comforts outside of that friend’s company. They can always reset you, but who sustains you?

“I will sustain you, and I will rescue you” - Isaiah 46:4

Finding what sustains you will free up your friendship to thrive while using the reset button only occasionally. Dive into your friendship with this mutual understanding and watch how you continue to encourage each other. You both are free to walk down your paths and find other friendships along the way without feeling the rope of neediness tugging you back, or even sparks of jealousy. It’s easy to forget the first thing you learned as child, sharing. You may want to horde them away, keeping their love for yourself. It can be painful to see a friend with a new friend and feel the tingles of jealousy creep up. Your rejection alarm will start to blare and you’ll begin to fear you’re losing love. Remember, they are not yours to keep. You cannot lock them away. Let that friend flourish and touch the lives of many. 

Retire your neediness box. 

Sit down for a gift exchange with that sweet friend, and refresh each others souls. 

- Vivian

P.S. Don’t forget the tea.