You are flawed beyond repair - and still you gaze down at the rest of them, demanding perfection. You hypocritical little love bird, you.
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We are all at fault to living our own self centered little lives. Pumping ourselves up to feel big and mighty. It’s all of us, and there’s no escaping that truth. We are guilty and before you continue reading please be sure you’ve come to that conclusion, and more importantly forgiven yourself. Be gentle with yourself and remember, while you’ll never reach a point of “perfection” you can always strive towards a “work in progress”. I will always be a work in progress.
To serve yourself with goals and feel a sense of pride upon completion is wonderful and healthy - but to consume one’s life with self obsessed, image, material based, perfectionism would be an awful way to waste an unknown amount of time.
What’s even worse is to demand this perfection from another person. Perhaps someone you love.
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When I met Scott [again] I faltered under a similar pattern from previous relationships, and I believe it’s something we’re all guilty of. I believed his life was perfectly together, his job was bound for greatness, and he had made zero ugly mistakes since we last met. It’s easy to come to these conclusions when you’re being swooned over, flattered, and treated with the utmost respect. Remember this person is on their very best behavior. That's not to say there’s horrible terror on the inside, it’s just a reality check to remind yourself that this is not a demi - god sent from above, this is a human on their best behavior.
He was bubble wrapped and flawless. I couldn't wait to reap all the benefits of his “perfect life”. Didn’t I deserve to have someone who was put together, and more on my playing field? Someone who would treat me right and give me the relationship I deserved. Oh love bird, if this is your pattern you better squash it. Kill it right now. Get off your high horse, and come on down.
No, you don’t deserve anything. No one owes you a thing, and relationships are not a good place to start if you’re going to expect perfection and greatness from another human, who is just that - human. I find it nauseating that people (including myself) feel they deserve perfection in a partner when they themselves have more skeletons in their closet than they care to recognize.
If you want perfection, be perfection. If you demand flawless, be without blame. If you believe you're worthy, where is your kingdom? - like I said, come on down.
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Some of the greatest advice I've ever received:" Don't worry about what Scott’s “doing wrong”, and look at yourself." Ten out of ten times there’s going to be something right there, smack dab in the middle that needs tending to. This is the work, and it’s grueling, I know. I've been there. Redirecting your finger and pointing right at yourself is not a fun exercise, but It’s worth it.
Perfectionism and expectation are twins and they always travel together. The moment you start expecting a certain behavior from a partner is the moment you peel your eyes away from your own imperfection. Expecting perfection is just another short step down the path, and the only person who’s going to be disappointed is you. If you’re in a relationship for your own happiness, you’re setting yourself up for failure. It isn’t about you, it never was. If both of you can understand this truth you will find yourselves overwhelmed with love and admiration for one another. These deep feelings being expressed by will be flowing from a place of commitment not expectation.
Expectation kills intimacy.
Be gentle, he is going to….
- “Love” his video game more than you
- Leave his socks everywhere
- Conveniently get a headache when it’s time to do the dishes….
And the list goes on and on - but the moment I stop writing his list and start writing my own is where humility starts to grow. You’re not the master of his list, you're the writer of your own. So why don’t you put down the pen and come on down. Dare to open your own closet and clean out the skeletons. I’m not guaranteeing immediate change and all of a sudden he’s showering you with homemade dinners, a new puppy, and writing love sonnets. What I do guarantee is a change inside of you that is priceless. His happiness should bring you joy not jealousy, and the moment his smile brings you the greatest joy is when you have arrived. Trust me, he will want to reciprocate.
Why not write a list of all the wonderful qualities. When I start my list with: he always buys me books, kisses me goodnight, drives when I don't want to (always), pops my "turtle" toes, and pushes me closer to the One who defines my idea of perfection, a sense of gratitude grows towards him and I reap true joy.
Little love bird,
expect nothing and receive everything with abundant joy.
If you wrote your list, what would be on your top three?
Share below, would love to chat with you.