Rattle.

I really wish you’d shut your pretty sapphire tears off and start rattling your pretty little lips off. 

Speak honestly without allowing yourself to be intimidated. 

This is how you must rattle. Never mind the feelings of anxiousness that attempt to suppress your speech. Never mind the tears that are fighting to explode from your ducts. 

Honesty, without intimidation. 

This is how we must rattle…

Because, I’m tired of watching friends, family, society and myself crumble under relationships. I’m tired of listening to my friends cry because they are ready to surrender (again) and melt back into the painful routine of settling. 

I’m tired of this manic behavior where we have layered so many rules and “Oh God! you can’t bring that up yet” standards to dating and relationships. 

There are “rules” for what you can tell your significant other, a world established waiting period till you can “drop that bomb”, and a common respect to not let on too strongly that you actually really, really like this person. In an attempt to not look “crazy”. And, I’m deathly sick of this universal standard. 

While we are being honest,  let’s not call it a “standard”,  because it’s a straight up lie. This isn’t a standard, this is a pattern. A pattern where we have learned to censor our feelings, block truth from our lips, and check with Facebook, Buzzfeed, horoscopes, and fifty of our friends to find a consensus on our relationship problems before realizing that if you just showed up, braved up, and rattled off - you’d actually start seeing changes in the dynamics of your relationships. 

Rattle it all off, before resentment seeps into every relationship, and drowns every glimmer of hope you once had. 

Rattle off before you’ve waited. If you’re waiting, start now. If you’re contemplating waiting and want to “see where it goes”, I’m begging you to rattle it off now.  

No one is going to do your rattling for you, and the longer you wait and build up all the tiny little resentments because you’re not brave enough to bring them up the moment they happen you will have worked yourself into such a distorted reality you’ll begin to doubt your doubts - you settle for normalizing your situations. Settling for the very same inadequacies that got you here in the first place. 

 Here, at “The waiting station”.

Darling, please don’t wait for the train, it’s not coming, its not going to take the journey for you. Get off of the platform where liars long to be, lower yourself for a moment off of your platform of pride and come down to the rest of us where the rattling begins. 

Rattle, all these things off. To him, to her, and to all the people you have stayed on the platform for. 

Rattle off to yourself, because you know you’ve made the choice to stay here this long. You’ve listened to the liars that say your feelings, emotions, dreams, opinions, heart, and time, belong to them. It’s all theirs and you’ve packaged yourself up into this pretty little thing that cries beautiful sapphire tears.

You’ve fashioned your fate into a well dressed, compliant, ever satisfied, go with the flow, “cool girl” mentality, and I cannot stand the sight of you lying to yourself any longer. So please, start rattling. 

Rattle without apology for your past. 

Rattle without fear of them walking out the door. 

Rattle without backing down when they throw your “unreasonable" emotions in your face.  

Don’t wait at the station any longer.

Rattle with a one - way ticket away from this station, with honesty, and courage. 

///

Why are we so afraid to speak up? When they poke and pry around our edges, forcing our boundaries to collapse. Are you waiting for him? For a shift to occur where magically he reads minds, senses moods, and knows exactly what he did to upset you? I assure you that day is not coming. Baby, you have to work. You have to rattle to get there. And I assure you “there” is a wonderful place to be. Where words follow emotion and resolution follows close behind. I long to live there. Where honesty plows down the tracks with consistent momentum heading towards the next station. Never staying stagnant, too long. 

I wish it were easy to start rattling, but it doesn’t come at the flick of a switch. Mental preparation and self discovery are a must to build up the confidence to begin the rattling. 

Its terrifying, to rattle one’s heart - but speaking timid words places us on the platform where you’re waiting for the train. The train that might carry you away from this place where small words are spoken and little is accomplished.  

Start rattling before it too late. Rattle for love’s sake - and step off your platform. Take the strength of the rails with you and rattle the whole way. Rattle your words and watch them soar past the windows. Rattle with courage as the past grows smaller and smaller and smaller into the distance. 

I’d like you to watch your fear disappear completely out of your line of sight. Watch as honest words create comfortable and functional and honest relationships. To learn about each other, to mess up and not fear the response. 

This is the greatest gift of marriage, to sit quietly with my husband and listen to his thoughts, listen to the way my words impact and make his life easier by steering clear of the waiting station. 

Honesty with respect for yourself and the other person improves each relationship, no matter how big or small. Each relationship deserves your rattling. Don’t keep them guessing - insecurities will never sort themselves out without your bravery and ability to rattle. 

Here comes the train, gather your courage and all aboard. 

- Vivian