Pretty proper lives are boring.
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Perfection. Talk about an exhausting- never ending- impossible reality. And yet, here we are trying to conjure up our perfect preferred life - missing the masterful mess of a one right in front of us.
If you allow yourself to become distracted, so grossly infatuated with someone else’s life, you risk missing yours. You risk missing you.
I can see that you’re placing yourself on a path. You're like a force of nature- avalanching your way towards victory. With your string in hand you plow through life. Demolishing every goal, every ladder- cascading down down down until you’ve tied up your pretty proper life. With that string, bowing- waiting for the roar of applause.
When you stand up and look back at the mountain from which you came, I pray you can see some trees left intact, some friends following close behind, and a sense that you’ve bettered the world around you. That your string made a difference.
“ A man’s heart plans his way. But the Lord directs his steps.” - Proverbs 16:9
Path seeker, I can sympathize with the uneasiness one might feel when faced with the daunting task to craft and "live one’s life". Not wanting to fall directly behind your parents, or trotting behind the masses like a sheep. It’s that yearning to forge your own way.
If you understand He’s offering to direct your steps, towards a life that is truly yours, truly unique, and so satisfying you could never craft it by yourself, would you trust Him?
What if your way was finically troubling- but full of bountiful relationships?
What if your way was lonely- but the work you produced greatly blessed others?
What if your way was physically painful- but overflowing with lovingkindness?
Would you say yes to His steps? Would you allow Him to direct you? Would you tie up the painful times knowing - somehow, that your suffering would not go unattended. That you will not be forgotten or ignored. That the pain can sometimes be purposeful.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” - James 1:2
I don’t want a pretty proper life. I want my life to present lessons and I want those lessons to be rich in wisdom. So that someday, I can see that every step mattered, that it all linked together. And as I look back and see where my string got tangled, twisted, and tugged, that it served a purpose. That at the “stuck” mark was where I met a dear friend who needed encouragement. And when my string laced together with Scott’s, my life took a smooth curve and I found myself climbing back up a mountain, a new mountain called marriage.
Your life will never be pretty and proper; It will be messy- and what a glorious life that could be.
Follow your string,